Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Shocking!

Her question hit me with full force, like a 20-ton weight projected with an extremely high velocity. I stared at her with bulging eyes that bystanders began to think my eyeballs would fall off. I opened my mouth wide that, for some moment, my little cousin thought he was looking into a grand canyon about to swallow him.

Just a look at me and the poor thing took off as though he was being pursued by a cannibalistic lunatic. He would say later that my jaws literally dropped to the floor, though I am yet to ascertain the veracity of that statement.

I was transfixed to a point, unable to move, unable to speak, but this was just the beginning.

I thought I was prepared for any question and here I was, a colossal disgrace to mankind.

I cracked my brain to find a suitable answer but it might have as well been made of lead because I wasn’t able to scratch it not to talk of cracking it open.

With my mouth agape, flying insects had the right-of-way, freely entering and leaving without obstruction. I can almost swear that bees built an edifice almost as magnificent as the Taj Mahal during that time.

Had all my days and weeks of practice been in vain, my rehearsals before the mirror, my tutorials on confidence, my sleepless nights and gameless, facebook-less days been nothing but water poured into a drain?

The mouth remained open with saliva running down from it that I guess she must have thought she was looking at the Victoria Falls. Of course, now I think she should have paid me for bringing such a breathtaking work of nature (The Victoria Falls) to her very abode but then, my mind was simply at a stand still.

How are the mighty fallen! The once bold guy who could approach anybody, answer any question or bluff off any question he doesn’t know the answer to was reduced to this pitiful display of imbecility. The stately prince diminished to a state worse than that of a wino. It may make good humour now but at the time it was anything but laughable.

It was only a matter of moments before the lady dropped to the floor – as in fainted. I guess she too was not prepared for the effects of her question. Bystanders rushed to the scene and tried reviving her, all the while paying absolutely no attention to me. I could faintly hear them arguing which would be better: to make her sit or leave her lying.

I remained at the spot like an unwavering iroko for what I thought was a century. As I stood, I felt, rather than heard, a multitudinous army approaching from behind but even then, I could not move. The army approached, loudly chanting a battle cry I could hardly make out.

They descended on me and then it occurred to me the army was my family members, the battle cry was my name with intermittent shouts of “Jesus”. My cousin had run home and notified them that I had been bewitched by a huge spell.

I came out of my state of hypnosis and all I could think of was “My reputation is ruined. Somebody get me out of here”. Tears filled my eyes but I managed to keep my self control. At this point I was ushered home by family like a delicate consignment of extremely expensive and valuable breakables.

AND SHE HAD ONLY ASKED ME MY NAME.

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